Especially since becoming a mother, I have struggled with continuing/finding expression to my prayer life. It’s a recurring theme for me. When I was in later high school and college, I feel I was at my ‘height’ of feeling spiritually nourished through my prayer time. Primarily since having kids I have more often than not felt at the bottom of the barrel, scrounging in the small time frames when I have a thought to remember to pray, which then feels much more structured and…monotonous…than what I remember my prayer life being like before.
I feel assured that I am not the only mother out there who has this struggle. Repeatedly I’ve been told not to worry, that focusing on my kids is my prayer life, that it’s only the season of life that I’m in, etc, etc, etc. While I appreciate that these people truly want me to not have to worry about it and to relax, it still does not fundamentally address my problem – that I am feeling spiritually undernourished in what I am currently doing. And this hasn’t been from lack of trying.
One of the reasons I so love the seasons we have in our liturgical life is that each is an opportunity to try something new or build upon something that has happened previously. For me, each is a season in which I can attempt to find a way that is nourishing to me spiritually that I otherwise just can’t motivate myself to get around to whilst ‘in the trenches’. The result, so far, has been that we have a lot of ‘unfinished’ practices that hang around during Ordinary time and then renew or are dismissed during the seasons, but we also have found a lot of great things to do during the seasons that I try hard to cling to during Ordinary time.
Our liturgical calendar, prepped for Lent. Each baggie will be filled with some type of reading and/or activity for the day.
While I don’t feel that I’m at a place yet where I feel fulfilled and satisfied with my prayer life, I also don’t feel that I’m at a lack for ideas when I get a chance to sit down and plan for our seasons, which has truly been a blessing through this ‘desert’ time. And of course I know God is present no matter what happens – that has never really been the issue. It’s been more about shaping me into a person who can truly listen to the Spirit and discern where God is calling me. As it always is in this relationship, it’s more about me than it is about God, but it I want it to be more about me being transformed into translucent to shine God through in my life rather than being opaque and blocking the light. Each season I hope to find something that will work and stick with me. Each season I’ve been mildly disappointed, so I keep trying.
I am interested to know what type of prayer suits you and your relationship with God – have you found something that nourishes you?
I’m writing seven posts in seven days this week (or trying to, anyway). To check out other bloggers who are doing the same, see the list here.